I'm not sure why I hate making decisions but it sometimes can be the hardest thing I do all day. That's kinda sad huh? I hate when people ask me where I think we should eat or what c.d. to listen to in the car. Maybe it's because there are too many choices. I am definitely good at making other choices for other people when it comes to their life decisions. Not always warmly accepted and most of the time completely unwarranted. I just don't want to think about the little decisions in life. I sometimes don't even like to think. I should be embarassed by that last thought but I'm being honest here. I dont want to think all the time. My mind can race from thought to thought to problem to stressful situation to critical mass before I can turn it off and watch t.v. like a drone. Give me choices and I'm much better and choosing. But deciding from scratch can be tedious.
Change also gets in the way of me making decisions. I have a BIG ASS decision to make in my life and I don't know what I want to do and even if I did all of a sudden have a moment of clarity, I probably wouldn't be able to make it anytime soon because it would result in a major life change. And major life changes are especially dreadful. I guess they are for everyone but it does sometimes feel like making huge life changes seem to come easy to other people. When I think about why I don't want to make this change I come up with a few answers: my living situation would change, my relationship could change, my emotional stability could falter and I could end up lonely. But I do know overall if I made the change, I would be ok. It's just hard because the last 5 years would be over in a resolute sort of way. I'd have a new life. If this was a staples commercial I would just find the easy button and I'd be set!
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Change represents the unknown, something that ALL of us (not some) are afraid of in some form or another. Afraid because we don't know how we'll feel or what our lives will look like through a new lens. Consider the alternative: not changing. Not growing. Not fully realizing your potential. You deserve happiness, and doesn't that itself deserve some risk? Do it. Its okay to be afraid and lonely and depressed (pssst, you can't be sure that you *will* react this way)...but don't let it stop you. Lucky for you, you have many people in the wings cheering for your success and waiting with open arms in case you stumble a little. So, go on then...
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